Why do I live in denial


In our single days we can all tell you a thing or two about it: We get to know someone, everything seems to be going great. Until the time comes when a person tells you how great they think you are - but unfortunately doesn't want or can't enter into a relationship at the moment. It feels like a punch in the stomach because we cannot rationalize what is happening. Our ego is hurt, what happened makes no sense - after all, everything went so well. At least in your own perception. If this happens more than once, it can be really frustrating. Especially when everyone in the family and friends is happy - it's just that you keep falling on your face. Believe me, I know how "great" that feels.

Our reaction is usually to get angry, disappointed, and hurt at first. That is only logical, after all, rejection gnaws at our self-worth and self-confidence. It's not a nice experience and you ask yourself: Why does this have to happen to me? What's wrong with me What did I do wrong? And even if those doubts don't gnaw at you, rejection at least puts you down. This article aims to provide you with three effective tips to help you cope better with rejection in the future.

Pretending is not a solution!

You can show your worst and the right person will still choose you. You can be perfect and the wrong person will still reject you. You have probably heard many times that people come into our lives for a certain reason. If you believe in it, we don't get to know anyone by accident. But - not everyone comes to stay: Even the so-called "wrong people" meet us so that we can learn and grow. Even so, we can't cope with it if someone doesn't reciprocate our feelings. If we are still unsure about this, we blame it on our looks, wondering what wrong we did or said that led to rejection. Another common phenomenon in this situation: We make people bad who rejected us.

But the fact is: you didn't do anything wrong and the others are not bad guys who wanted to hurt you on purpose. It is also normal for you to be hurt, as what happened attacks your basic need for recognition and affection. I am firmly convinced that if someone is "for you", nothing and no one can stop him or her from building something with you. You can regard every other person as an intermediate step. I don't mean that there is one dream partner for everyone. I don't believe in romantic Hollywood stories. Many of us have some great partners and relationships in our lives. Rather, I'm talking about the many people we get to know in between.

These three steps have helped me deal with these "intermediate experiences":

  1. Feel - Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling! This is the most important step! When grief occurs, we try to suppress it as quickly as possible or to numb it with other experiences and people. That is our instinct for survival. In the long term, this will not alleviate the pain, it will just bury it deeper in your subconscious, where it will reappear with every similar experience. This is the so-called "trigger effect". Years of suppressing emotions can cause illness. Therefore everything that is felt should be allowed to "be": Your emotions, especially the negative ones, have a reason and a justification to exist, because they are a part of you. Allow yourself to go really deep into your pain, feel it, listen, what he has to say to you. What can you learn from this experience? When this is clear to you, you can fill them with love, let go and transform them into positive thoughts.

  2. Accept - it is what it is! Often we repeat or hang on to painful experiences because we cannot or do not want to accept them. But when you realize that it is how it is and the person who rejected you is just who he or she is, things in your life get easier. Nothing is really good or bad until you give it meaning. The person is not bad because he has not made up his mind for you, he is just in a different phase of life than you, may have different ideas, values ​​and goals. Acceptance helps you to look at the situation and the person from a distance and logic, without emotions getting out of hand. We don't always have to understand why something is happening - sometimes it's better to just accept instead.

  3. Reflect - your perception creates your resonance field! Our thoughts create the reality in which we live. Most of them are subconscious. However, if you repeat a train of thought regularly, it creates a field of resonance around you that brings people and experiences into your life that reflect the frequency of that field. You then ask yourself: "Why is this happening to me, I didn't want that at all?" Consciously certainly not, but our subconscious governs 97 percent of our behavior and thought patterns. It is very important to be aware of your own thoughts. Especially the ones that repeat as they form a pattern. These trigger the emotions that we then perceive as negative or positive. Rejection creates a whole cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. Therefore try to watch yourself without judging yourself. Break the chain of these negative self-talk the moment they arise and redirect them into acceptance and positive affirmation.

In the course of my life I have had many painful experiences with rejection and first had to learn again to open myself to love - especially energetically. That took time and required continuous and conscious work on oneself. You will not be spared rejection in the future either - but with the help of these tips you can improve the "quality" of the people who come into your environment. And when it comes to the next rejection, you will know how to deal with it much better.

Remind yourself again and again that every rejection represents an opportunity for you to recognize what you really want and what you do not tolerate. This is your call to inner transformation and it starts with you! You can let the pain of rejection drag you down, feel sorry for yourself, feel small, and intentionally hurt others. Or you transform these emotions like an alchemist into an engine that spurs you on to growth and self-love. Rejection is part of our development. Without them we would never realize what great, strong and loving beings we really are. It is a paradox of life that can be a real blow - if you have understood how to deal with it. (fm)